Saturday, May 15, 2010

Do you like flowers?

The pansies are planted, smiling at me


Impatiens are waiting


I hear them whining


"Hey! We wanna be first!"





Colesia with plumes of bright happy red


Snap dragons in white are a must


Blue lobelia rounds it out nicely


My tribute to America





Go-go orange begonias are in


They used to be called "non-stop" (orange)


Accompanied by allysum so sweet


In baskets near the windows





Dianthus and petunias will wait til tomorrow


Nemesia and gazania


Have yet to be found


There's plenty of time though, time for a beer!





In re-posting this I see where some improvements can be made. Suggestions/comments welcome!


Good morning!





I have a feeling granny will want more dialogue......right?

Do you like flowers?
Is TD hiding behind me, working my strings? I think not.


You could have said Busy Lizzies for Impatiens (are they called that in USA?), but, although I don't know what a lot of these flowers look like that isn't a problem for me....what is the problem is you gave the pansies, and the impatiens characters - and then sort of let that slide.


The rhythm of the piece needs some work - I think I know why.


When you mention a flower, there isn't much you can do to make it fit rhythmically into a line.


With a poem such as this, I think you might like to try using iambic pentameters, which is stressed and unstressed beats


.


Colesia with plumes of bright happy red - is written in iambic pentameters.


I will e-mail you.





ps - I have to admit TD is right, too - you have a rich, expressive vocabulary - but it doesn't show here.
Reply:Yes, Granny will want more. She'll want more common names like 'Pinks' instead of Dianthus, 'Cockscomb' instead of Celosia. She will then go after some of your adjectives and adverbs, claiming that you have grown as an artist and should start using more complex terms like 'jubilant' instead of happy and 'reticent' instead of waiting.





That's what she'll say, alright.
Reply:You make me smile. I have a brown thumb...pretty much when it comes to anything, gardening included. I can also crash computers merely by being there, and injure myself in the most ridiculous and innocuous situations. Seriously, a concussion from running into a streetlamp while rollerblading (true story). What's a girl to do, but sit back and enjoy the green thumbs of others, and their marvelous poetry. Thanks, Reenie.
Reply:beautiful poem BUT where are our roses --the king of flowers--- may not be in usa but we call it so in india.it shows you are positive by nature ,naturally lover of gardens and early riser.------am i correct. if you feal so then do email me your liking of my comments wish you all the best.


with kind regards
Reply:I do love flowers and I do love your poem. Any room in there for Queen Ann's Lace. The "old timey" flower that I love and can't seem to fine around here. I had it once and after a couple of years it did not come back. I suppose I will have to order the seeds for a distant company. I love it and so do butterflies!!!





Great work Reenie!





nfd♥
Reply:Yes. Too bad I can't plant right now. I am sure you will find the right words and your poetry will be refined. I am pleased to know someone with the ability to express your thoughts well. Hopefully, our new place will accomadate the Cypress Vine I was looking forward to planting.
Reply:I am still going to Dairy Queen to ask for a "go-go orange"! Sounds like the person that named that flower was left over from the sixties! Little early for a beer isn't it? Yes, I do like the poem.
Reply:I gotta suggestion! Gimme a BEER!!!!!





Really, put this one away for a few days. When you look at it again, you will see the way to 'better' it. BUT, if you want suggestions.......
Reply:i like flower very very very much
Reply:I love flowers.
Reply:i love all type of flowers casue i love nature and what it has to offer.
Reply:I loved the first one....you just continue to improve....don't be so hard on yourself....talent is a virtue.......


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